How to have trouble visiting Mexico
by Had Robinson
1. Visit tourist areas frequented by foreigners (Acapulco, Cancun, beach areas) i.e. places that criminals know are filled with rich targets, especially unescorted women.
2. Look for FUN, especially at NIGHT (drinking parties, brothels, drugs, etc.) Actively try to "hook up" with good looking women.
3. Be naïve concerning Mexican safety standards e.g., lack of lifeguards, no fire safety, obvious hazards. Most people outside of North America consider Americans as small children who always need a mommy.
4. Ignore the ABUNDANT, UBIQUITOUS, PLAIN ENGLISH warnings from every site concerning travel in Mexico: stay off the roads at NIGHT, stay only on main roads!
5. Be naïve concerning health care in most of the world – it is minimal. That is why it is good to have Global Rescue with all the bells and whistles. Get a satellite phone and a SPOT. Plan ahead that you might have to visit a particular hospital. The Mexicans have modern hospitals for their own in most cities but socialism has severely deformed the quality of care for the majority. Good care is available but it will cost you. Be prepared to be extorted. Hey, this is how the world works.
6. Move about after dark, alone. Loiter in front of bars – move without a purpose.
7. Have an “attitude”. Be rude, selfish, condescending towards others. Think “I am civilized, clean, and rich – who are these backward people?” Stare intently at others, especially at women who belong to local men.
8. Refuse to learn Spanish.
9. Travel alone
10. Wear flashy clothes, expensive jewelry, nice watches. Dress to stand out. Flash wads of cash around. Wear "cool" American ball caps backwards on your head. Wear basketball shorts/RAP jeans that have the crouch somewhere near your knees. Show off to people how cool you are.
11. Drive an expensive looking car.
12. Be oblivious to obvious dangers. E.g. be a young woman in a thong and run off the main beach to secluded areas, lean on flimsy plywood panels covering open elevator shafts, test the hotel balcony rail for strength after having too much to drink, open your hotel door at night to someone you don’t know! Act like a small child.
13. Hang out in bars and drink too much.
14. Do not spend the time to research exactly where you are going. Do not carry a map or a GPS loaded with current maps. Follow your nose around and look lost and confused, e.g. expect the taxi or bus driver to let you know where to get off or where to go. Be ignorant and full of alcohol at the same time.
15. In general, forget that you are a GUEST in somebody else’s country. The rest of the world may not share your values, especially the notion that others are going to fulfill your every need, hold your hand, and watch out for you.
If you have experience in foreign travel and can think of other foolish and dangerous things Americans do in foreign countries, I would be happy to hear from you. There is no end to the stupidity you might see American tourists doing when you travel abroad. Contact us